I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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