Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
