So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also, beer. Big fan.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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