just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
