Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
