He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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