Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
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No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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