And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
