Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
