The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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