Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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