i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
