I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
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Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
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This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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