9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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