All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
