where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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