i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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