thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Apparently you make a good broom.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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