He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
