11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
