Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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