yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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