Pappa wants mamma naked
high people should be assigned attendants
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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