after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
