he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
