I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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