Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
