So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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