I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
