Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
