I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
