i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
