she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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