This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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