He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you had me at cake vodka
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just had sex on a roof
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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