im drinking this country out of the recession.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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