you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
nutella sex= disaster
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
