i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
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I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
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I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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