hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was not drunk enough for that final.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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