Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
