chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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