They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
