I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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