Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
