Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
