I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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