I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
