My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
