So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
