currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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