it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
