dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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