I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
They have beer where we have blood.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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