Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
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