The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
