just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
