...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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