the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
