my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
