why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
