I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
