I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
