ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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