I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
