I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
