I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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