You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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