He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
