I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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