Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
