I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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