A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
