these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
