Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
